DIE, MACARENA!

Die, Macarena!!!

You know how it goes..... A bunch of drunken fools walk up to the DJ at the club, and shout, "Hey, man....let's Macarena!" As soon as you hear the first beat of the sucky little song, you know your entire night is SCREWED UP because you had that ATROCITY forced upon your ears. Well, I'm here to say

FUNK DAT!

NO MORE MACARENA!

It is way past time to KILL that stupid little dance, and the little Brazilian (I bet you thought she was Mexican) slut who "sings" about liking to boink two boys at once.

First, a little history of my hating of what John Mac Laughlin refers to as "Standing Autism".

December, 1995 Post Oak Ranch

(don't look for it.... it's not there anymore.... even the building's gone)

The infestation begins....
The Dance Lessons duo , fresh from a trip to Florida, show everybody this "fun new Brazilian line dance everybody on the East Coast is doing"... We stood around, listening to the sorry song, watching the rednecks flailing their arms around like a bunch of idiots, just a laughing our heads off at them..... I thought they looked even stupider than the idiots who do that backwoods "Line Dancing" crap, which is nothing more than rednecks prancing around like a bunch of fairies..... Anyway, this Macarena crap took hold of their senses, and it took off....

January, 1996

The little Brazilian slut's vocals are added to the mix so the English speaking Americans can understand SOME of the words, other than "Hey, Macarena"....

February, 1996 Armadillo Ballroom

Brazoria, Tx- a very, very small town 60 miles SW of Houston

The band I was with at the time had a sound guy who thought he was a mobile DJ- he really was more of a fool than a DJ... Macarena to start the night.... Macarena right before the band went on.... Macarena as soon as the band was done... Macarena right before second set..... always the mix with the girl....

Get the picture?

March 1996 Mo's Place

Katy, Tx

Macarena contest. Nuff said This inspired the "Counter Muckarama".... arms extended, wrists pointed upwards at 90 degrees, with the middle finger extended... left... right.... up, down...
Hey, Macarena!

May 1996- The COMMERCIAL

SOMEBODY had to do it...... the Order it from the TV, "I'll show you how YOU can do the Macarena" video..."It was so easy... I was able to learn it at home"... GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!.. Stupidity comes to my living room (well, my dog's not very smart, but that's another story). Did you know there is a such thing as an "ADVANCED MACARENA"?
Neither did I

July 1996 Milwaukee

26,000 Macarena-ing fools

Major League Baseball turned my stomach one day in July when the people of Milwaukee were put in the Guinness Book Of World Records for the lowest collective IQ in the history of the world... they attained it by all doing the Macarena for the 7th inning stretch..... makes me wanna wretch. I'll take the late, great Harry Carey singing "Take Me Out to The Ballgame" any day over that noise.... And they put Milwaukee in the National League Central... Shit...
There goes the neighborhood...

August 1996

Democratic National Convention

Yep... The Socialists had their perfect motions with the Muckarama.... First, you stick out your right hand in the "gimme more government money" position... then when it's not full enough, you stick out your left! Perfect for them!!! And your president STILL couldn't get it right, and Algore was as stiff as a board. TipperGore, former rock slut/groupie, got it right, and Queen Hillary demanded that her way was the proper way to Muckarama.
PUKEFEST!!!!

New Year's Eve 1997

NO MUCKARAMA!!!!

November 1, 1997

LatinoFest

NO MACARENA!!!!

We ARE WINNING!!!!!

November 16 or so

Willow Wisp Country Club

When I was a dumb little kid in High School, I had a button with 5 little words listed on it that pretty much said it all. It went something like this:

Shit
Fuck
Damn
Piss
Hell

Well.... My little ~~bother~~ brother went and got hitched sometime around Thanksgiving... First wedding where I told the bride it was her last chance to run, not the groom, as is customary, but that's another story altogether... But anyway, the DJ at the wedding was told NOT TO play the goddamn macarena. Did he listen?
NO
Did he get paid for his services?
NO

The moral of the story? Give the customer what they want, and if you play the macarena, you're dead meat...

Dec 27, 1997

my wife's sister's wedding reception

Another stupid DJ played the macarena after being TOLD not to... He was sent packing. What is it with these IGNORANT TWERPS? The people shelling out the money say "NO MACARENA", yet they play it anyway.... We're dead meat..... Remember the 'Hokey Pokey', and how long THAT idiocy has been around? The world is in deep trouble...... Oh, for the days of old.... before the little Brazilian slut... Before line dancing... Hell, even before disco, another aberration we killed 20 years ago....

Sometime in July, 1998

Dog Show, Astroarena

Some chick from the middle of nowhere has an act where she danced with her dog.... it was actually kinda cool, watching her walk around with this dog running between her feet, and not knocking her on her ass.... UNTIL... yep..you guessed it... this MORON decided it was time for her dog to Macarena...
Well, there were 2000 people in the arena, watching this shtick... She was down on the arena floor, doing the Macarena... Her mutt was running around like a dog usually will... As I looked around the audience, NOT ONE PERSON was EVEN LOOKING at the MORON doing the Macarena.... Hell, the ONLY people doing it WITH HER were the people who were PAID TO RUN THE SHOW-the Dog Handlers...LOL

SCREW EM ALL!!!! WE WON!!!
THE MACARENA'S DEAD!!!

December '98
NO!!!!!!!
Not Seinfeld, too! (screams)
Just when we thought it was DEAD.... Seinfeld reruns have a commercial where they do all their dance routines... Elaine's 'spaz' dance... Kramer being... Kramer... All done to the Muckarama... Ok... different words, but still the same piece of SHIT song...
WILL IT NEVER GO AWAY?!?!?!

April '99

Nothing to report

This IS a good sign....LOL

Oh yeah.....
In case you're wondering, the tunes are by the
Stormtroopers Of Death...
The song's called

"Speak English Or Die"

�The Light King

19 June 1999

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